You know we have 400 billion bits of information available to us at any one time but we are only aware of 2,000 of them. We unconsciously filter that information through our beliefs, assumptions, values and past experiences. So it is fair to say that we are sometimes more in our concepts about the world than we are in reality.
Have you ever had the feeling of not being good enough? And no matter how much people tell you that you’re amazing and did a great job, it just doesn’t change your mind? Or maybe you have low self worth and no matter how many acts of kindness and generosity you do, you still don’t feel worthy? That’s because we often have an underlying unwanted belief or concept, and we act as if it is true. We respond to it in such a way as it’s true and no matter how much we have external evidence to contradict our belief we cannot shift it.
Do you feel obligated to others or others are obligated to you? Do you think you’re a better person if you succeed and a worse person if you fail? Do you think it matters what you think about yourself and that you have to ‘change’ your mindset? These are all concepts that are pretty deeply held ones at that.
But it’s not reality. In reality you can’t define yourself. You have things that you have, like qualities and attributes, aspirations, roles you play in your family dynamic or in the workplace. If you don’t believe me, then give it a try. Write down all the ways in which you define yourself, and then have a look at the list. You’ll find that they are all things you have, not who you are. Because you can’t be what you have.
In reality there is nothing you have to do. In reality you have no obligation to another and they have no obligation to you. In reality you can’t change what you can’t change. In reality you are the same person whether you fail or succeed.
Robert Fritz says that reality is an acquired taste. He also says that once you acquire it you can’t give it up.
If what I’ve said has resonated with you and you feel like you are living your life based on one of these concepts, or another, and you’re ready to let it go, then get in touch and let’s have a chat about how I can support you.